Wow, SOOOO much stuff

I'm sitting here thinking; the last time I moved was 21 years ago, when I moved into this apartment with my brother. At that time I was 22 years old and really had nothing but the clothes on my back. I mean, I had the furniture from my childhood bedroom if I wanted it, but as I didn't know if I'd be staying out here permanently, I didn't worry about bringing anything.

Over the years I bought various pieces of furniture, and was given others. Now, the big decision: what to take and what to sell! How do you decide? Some things are really easy, like the entertainment unit (I think it'll be too big for the new place), but what about the futon in the 2nd room? Do I need it? Ok, I bought an apartment with 2 bedrooms, but now I have so few people visiting from out of town, maybe I should just get rid the futon, use the 2nd bedroom for my office, and buy a sofa-bed and put that in the livingroom.

I find I'm having this decision problem with almost everything....right down to all the different types of tea I have (should I take them, or toss them out..some are pretty old).

So far I've packed 31 boxes, lots more to go. Sometimes I wish I could just throw everything into boxes and take them to the Salvation Army or SPCA Thrift store, then just buy all new stuff...but since I really don't like shopping much...I'll probably just keep everything.

Sound wishy-washy??? Yeah, I know!

On a happier note, Sierra is sweet, beautiful, and probably the most amazing dog I could ever have hoped for. I can't wait to see her sleeping on the new patio, or in front of the fireplace.

Soon, soon

Moving in With Sierra

Who would've thought that I would end up adopting a georgous dog, and buying an apartment just so we could be together. Although, a year ago in Feb. I knew I would be moving, but didn't know when, and didn't know a dog would be involved. I DID start to pack back then though.

So in the next couple of months...no, at the end of next month (July) actually, Sierra and I become room mates, in our OWN home. I'm still packing, amazing how much stuff a person accummulates in 21 years.

During this 'moving' experience, I am working 12 hour days, and going to my parent's place on the weekends so I can visit my girl. This doesn't leave much time for packing, or cleaning.

Oh, and I've caught this absolutely horrible head cold, it's mostly migraine-like headaches followed by sick stomach, then back to headache. So today I had to come home from work early, and I'm in a job that if you don't work, you don't get paid!!! And I have to work, to keep my puppy in kibble, so....off to work I go tomorrow, even if I don't feel 100%.

Friends keep asking me if I'm excited about the apartment, and I hesitate. Yes, I'm excited about it, but more excited about Sierra and I getting to see each other every day. Sometimes it feels as though the apartment was a foregone conclusion over a year ago. Kind of like the money being available to do it. It feels like it has all been decided long ago, now, I just have to wait for it to manifest. Odd I know, but I'm a big believer in fate and the power of positive thinking. Of course being grateful is a key too.

Maybe I should start up a blog about that, so many wonderful things have happend to me since I started changing my thinking about life, love and money.

Hmmm, something to think about.

Anxiety? What Anxiety?

Well, it's officially been 21 days since Sierra and I became family, and I've loved every minute of it.

Every day I spend with her (weekends only at the moment), I find out something new and mostly wonderful about her. For instance, she's easily trainable; we've trained her to sit and give a paw before getting her breakfast, supper, snacks, even when I want to put the leash on the harness. She's not afraid of thunder, but is afraid of loud sharp sounds; like a book being place down too heavy, or the snapping of asparagus. She won't try to fight anything smaller than herself, but will defend herself against a large or larger dog. She loves to socialize with other dogs, and will do almost anything to get to swim in the river.

Sierra is also very protective of me. I was laying on the floor and my Mom was giving me a back rub, as she was finishing, she patted my back with both hand. Sierra, ever on duty, came up and pushed my Mom's hands away, getting under her arms so she couldn't hit me, then Sierra tried to push me up into a sitting position with her head and body. It was so cute and beautiful. Of course I thanked her for 'saving' me.

Sierra and I have such a strong bond, it began the 2nd time I walked her when I was volunteering. Being away from her is difficult, and I know she feels a bit anxious about it too. I phone my parents twice a day just to see how she is. We are both improving on this I'm proud to say. She is understanding how many days I wll be away. Still, it's tough. I spoke to one of the kennel attandants at the shelter she was at, and mentioned the seperation anxiety. She told me the best way to deal with it is to ignore Sierra when I first get to my parents' place. To not make a big deal out of seeing her, that it would make it easier on both of us in the long run.

How? How does one not pay attention to such a beautiful, loving, gentle soul???? I got tears in my eyes as she told me what to do. The kennel attendant said to 'be strong, I have faith in you". I'm glad she has faith in me, I don't.

I suppose both of us will have anxiety for awhile longer...at least until I get the courage to ignore her.

Oh, I got the mortgage, we now have a home that we will move into around August.

More about Sierra

Ok, Ok, I know that a blog devoted almost entirely to a dog can be a bit boring, but for anyone who owns a dog, you know how much fun they can be.

Today I took Sierra back to visit the shelter before we started our 1 1/2 hour walk. Everyone there was happy to see her, more importantly, she was happy to see them! That's how you know the shelter people are good! They were oohing and aahing over how beautiful her coat is and how she is loosing weight and firming up.

We've found out something very important about our pup...she's afraid of load sharp noises. My Mom was preparing asparagus for dinner, snapping them instead of cutting them. When she snapped the first one, Sierra got up, ran upstairs and hid! It took both of us to coax her down again. Then, when Mom closed a book a little too loudly, Sierra did it again. Maybe that is how she became lost the first time, a firecracker or gunshot and she bolted. Poor baby. She also prefers to sleep near or always be near someone. That's ok by me! I like having her sleep beside the bed.

I let her off-leash again, and she was a gem..as always. She had so much fun with the other dogs, oh and the river!!!! Amazing how she lives to wade in the river, but doesn't like a bath very much.

I still haven't heard from the bank about a mortgage. I remember years ago going in to see about qualifying for one and being told that I wouldn't be given very much, somewhere around $100,000 only. You couldn't buy a tent here for that. When I asked why someone with A-1 credit (perfect), a steady job who has never defaulted on any loan couldn't get more than $100,000, I was told " let's face it, you could get pregnant, then who'd pay the mortgage?" It didn't matter to them that I wasn't going to have kids.

A fellow I know who had horrible credit, was making less an hour than I was, was told by a bank that he would qualify for a mortgage of over $200,000. A guy with BAD CREDIT and they would trust him more than me, a woman with PERFECT CREDIT??? Of course the bank only saw my sex...a woman buy by herself? no way! Thankfully things have changed since then. But I wonder how much.

Wish me luck!

Sierra Chronicles - 1st week

It's now been a full week since Sierra joined the 'pack'. Everyone absolutely loves her. My Mom even lets her sleep beside her bed. Now, this is huge, considering my Mom has NEVER in my life, ever allowed the family dog past the front foyer or back enterance. So for her to allow Sierra upstairs....WOW!!!!

I took Sierra back to our usual North Shore trail on Saturday, so she could socialize with other puppies and because she likes to swim in the river there. Also, I wanted to try her off-leash in an area I knew well.

After explaining to her that she had to listen to me or she'd go right back on-leash, I let her off. And she was off!! Running, enjoying herself, I called her back, she looked at me and kept walking. I call again and kneel down to make it fun. She comes back about 20 feet then goes up a small hill. All this time I'm wondering how I'm going to catch her to leash her up. Then She comes back to me. I give her a hug and some praise and she continues on with her fun. Part of the problem is she didn't know her name really well.

After that she was an absolute gem. She never went too far and always looked back to see where I was. It was beautiful watching her so full of life and fun. Running down the bank and jumping headlong into the river, splashing around with other dogs. At one point she ran down a bank to splash around, I was still up on the trail walking. I call her, she tries to follow me while running in the shallow part of the river. Finds she can't get back up to me, so runs all the way back to where she went down, runs up, runs full speed towards me (huge smile too), sees a chocolate lab, runs past and while trying to stop, shakes the water off. One of the funniest things I've seen in a long time, a hundred pound dog doing a mid-air shake....all legs, tail and floppy ears.

I think I'm going to have to do this (go to the NS trails) once or twice a month, just so she can get in her socializing and fun time. In Port Coquitlam (where we will be living), I don't think there are any off-leash parks. Also, I think she has allergies to some of the grasses on the trails in PoCo., she gets a bit of a drippy nose after we go for walks there. Perhaps the forest trails are better than the savannah type.

Oh, and I may have found a garden apartment for us. We went to see it on Saturday, I put in a bid on Sun., it was countered and accepted, so now it's up to the bank. It's 2 bedrooms with a large patio right beside a small park. It seems like a nice quiet area and only a few blocks from a bunch of trails, also, a few blocks the other way is 'downtown' Poco.

If all goes well I will take posession of it in late July. Guess I should go pack!

Adoption Day +2 part 2

The night of the 11th was rainy, with winds kicking up. Lots of night noises. I put Sierra's bed in the room I was staying in. Turn off the light and crawl into bed, she tries to crawl into bed with me. Picture me laying in a single bed and a large dog trying to crawl up and cuddle. Finally convinced her that she should sleep on her nice fluffy 42" bed. Closed the door part way because of a nightlight in the hall. Eventually I fall asleep. Every time she moved, I woke up to check on her. Every time I moved, she woke up to check on me.

At one point she was having a dream that made her whine. At another I thought she was snoring deep and low. Then I realized she was growling. She was sitting up and looking out my door, down the hall (there's a night light in the centre of it). So I got up and opened the door more, she very stealthily walked out and straight down the hall to my parents room. Then immediately ran to the room my niece and nephew were staying in. All ok! She comes back.

I get back into bed, she comes up to the bed and cuddles her face into my neck. Then lays down and falls asleep. A few hours (?) later she wakes me up wimpering. This is the 1am pee break.

Downstairs we go as quietly as possible. Leash up, coat up, and out into the pouring rain. Thank goodness she went almost right away. Back inside, leash and coat off, up the stairs and into bed. We finally shut the night light off, and when we did, she settled right down and went to sleep.

After awhile though, she felt the need to go and sleep outside my parents' bedroom. OK, good. she's protecting them. Back and forth between my room and theirs until she finally gave up and slept in the middle of the hall. She could see me, my parents, the kids room and anyone that would try to get up the stairs.

Somewhere between 2 & 4am Sierra was growling and looking at the window. We were on the 2nd floor, so I get up and look out the window...paper delivery.

Sometime just after sunrise she wakes me up again to go out to pee. Down the stairs quietly, coat and leash on. Out the front door. We end up walking around the block...in the rain and wind. Back inside, coat and leashes off I lay down on the floor on my side. She lays down with her back against my stomach, her head on my arm. It was so cute. I've never known such a huggy dog. After a bit we went back upstairs and we both slept soundly for an hour or so.

All in all, I think I slept a total of 3.5 hours, and not all at once. Sierra had even less sleep.

I hope the rest of her nights at Mom & Dad's isn't like this one. My poor baby needs her sleep.

It's tough being away from her (oh yeah, my leaving on Sunday is yet another story), I phoned Sunday night and spoke to her on the phone (yes the conversation was one sided). Today I called a total of 3 times. My parents are going to start thinking I'm crazy. Too bad, after all, any dog lover would do the same thing, wouldn't they?

Adoption Day + 2

Wow, so much has happened since yesterday. Sierra officially became a memeber of my family yesterday at 11:15am. I was sooooo excited, so was she. She was in a playpen with another dog, and when she saw me she went nuts. I went to get the kennel attendant and fill out the final paper work, it was great, they were all so happy for me.

We went to get Sierra. I had the new leash, collar and harness for her which she sniffed and, not finding any other dog scent on them, became even more excited. She was incredibly patient as I put everything on her, and started to lead her out. She thought we were going for a walk, so, after a few minutes of convincing her, she finally understood that she was going for a car ride. I thought she was happy before, but now... WOW! Of course I was grinning ear to ear too.

Next up was a 3 hour appointment at the groomers. I took her for the full-meal-deal at PetSmart. They were really great with her. When I explained that I literally just got her out of 'the pen', and didn't want her to think I was just leaving her somewhere else, they agreed (against policy) to allow me to accommpany Sierra. So there I was, sitting on the floor in front of her kennel, reading a book and trying to keep her calm.

She did so well, I was really proud of her. I'm amazed at how loud it is in there though. I mean, all the machines they use are noisy. No wonder I see dogs scared at places like these. Sierra liked the bath (once she got used to the spray nozzle), and put up with the drier. I think what bothered me most about the entire procedure was the air nozzles they use when drying them in the kennel. It's so noisy. But also, when they started up, Sierra got scared and looked at me like I was gassing her. I almost started to cry. Holding back the tears I kept talking quietly to her and even put my hand in front of the nozzel, just to see how much it was blowing.

After the drying, it came time to clip her nails, which she didn't mind at all. Then a massage and brushing. All in all it was a learning experience for me, successful, but still kind of upsetting. Might try washing her myself next time. Now that WILL be an experience.

We drove out to my parents place next, they are fostering her until I find a place to buy, she was so happy to be in a home. Followed me everywhere. Snuggled alot too.

My parents love her, my niece and nephew too. Sierra was so good, although her 'sit, stay' skills are lacking a bit. I think it's just because of the excitement of being in a new place and wanting to be close to everyone.

There is so much more to this story, a stormy night, Sierra's anxiety, 1am pee break, growling at unfamilliar noises, restlessness, the need to protect all of us....and so on. Neither she nor I slept.

Then, my leaving her at my parents place today, me crying, she upset and trying to follow...I've never had seperation anxiety before. When I got home, I called my parents and they put Sierra's ear to the phone so I could talk to her. Told her I loved her and I would see her on Thursday night (something I had tried to explain for the past 2 days), and to be good. Mom said she was listening. I think she understood because I called back a few hours later to see how she was, and apparently she was sleeping calmly on the floor near my Mom.

What a day Saturday was. I think this will have to be a 2-parter. I'm too tired to write any more.

T - 3 and Counting

Oh Boy!!! only 3 days left, then Sierra officially joins my family. I'm soooo excited! I haven't been able to see her at the shelter for 2 days, driving me nuts. Work really gets in the way of life sometimes. At least when she goes to my parent's place I know she'll get lots of attention and walks. It'll be so great to share a place with her. One of my collegues said; "yup, only three more days til you get a big smelly roommate". SIERRA DOESN'T SMELL!!!! Ok, she is big, but even for a shelter pup, she doesn't smell. Oddly enough, her comment could be said about a few guys I know...I mean if I was dating any of them.

I think I'm all ready for her. I've gotten everything she'll need, and the love & hugs I have in abundance.

Still haven't found a town house. I keep being told conflicting stories...wait and the prices will go down, wait & the prices will go up... don't know who to believe. I think they will level out, but not go down exactly. Maybe building will slow down.

Who knows.

T -7 and Counting

7 More days, only 7 more days and my beloved shelter pup officially becomes part of my family.

I don't think I could possibly find the words to describe how excited and happy I am about it.

Today I went out and bought her a new leash and collar, funky blue with a wave design. Pretty cool. Also, went to get her licensed for the city she's going to be living in (at least until I find a place to buy). Now she has two 'charms' for her 'necklace'. The license and a chrome bone with her name and my phone number on it. Very cute.

We went out for a walk today on our usual trail, and went past a dog, that just wanted to take her out. Didn't smell her, didn't look more than once, and immediately was aggressive. At first the dog wasn't on a leash, but as soon as it's guardian saw a big dog on a leash coming towards them, he immediately put his on one as well. Kudos to him for knowing his dog well enough to prevent an attack.

Unlike a woman and her VERY (underline, put in bold) aggressive dog. Sierra and I were just starting our walk, and we come upon 3 people and a dog. Dog's not on a leash, it's pooing on the trail, the female guardian isn't picking it up. The dog barely finished pooing and it was already running at Sierra and attacking her neck. I pulled Sierra away (she will defend herself, but not attack), the dog kept coming at her, and it's guardians finally got it under control. I ask the woman if her dog is that aggressive with every dog it meets, she says; "No, it's ok" . LIKE HELL IT'S OK!!!! Then she askes if we are walking onwards (DUH!), so I say; " Yes, and we're coming back too!" As Sierra and I continued down the trail, I kept looking back to see if she picked up after the dog or put it on a leash. No on both accounts. I had my cell with me and was ready to call the shelter to tell them about this vicious unleashed dog. Now I wish I had done that.

Thank goodness they weren't still on the trail on the way back.

Oh, and Sierra was ok. She's good at protecting herself.

Oh, and nothing on the town house front yet. I'm amazed at the price some people are asking for their mostly run-down homes. Why would I want to pay $350,000 for something that needs at least $50,000 in renos? Guess I'll just have to keep looking.

Wish Me Luck.

T -12 and Counting

Wow, 12 days left. Then Sierra officially joins the family. I can't even begin to describe how excited I am. How much joy she brings to me. We went for a walk on Sunday even though it was raining. A light rain though. It was a little muggy, but there were still alot of people on the trail.

In the middle of the walk, one of my headaches hit me. I told Sierra I needed to slow down and find a place to sit. She automatically slowed down, and stopped at the first bench we came to. Yes, we're that connected.

It's really hard to take her back to the shelter after the walks. She looks at me like...is it now? are we going home now??. And I have to tell her how many more days it is.

Still haven't found a place to buy yet. I keep getting the feeling that the 1st of June is significant. Either I find a place, or buy one.

I'm also looking forward to the day I can take her to work with me, even if it's just for a few hours. That would be one of the most perfect work situations.

I would love to write more, but it's getting late and if I go to bed now, T - 11 comes quicker.

T -16 and Counting

So, it's only 16 more days until Sierra officially joins my family. Longest 16 days of my life.

I've become the quissentential pet guardian...bought the food dish, toys, & treats in the past couple of weeks. This past week, my parents gave me couple of gifts for her (a toy and a gourmet cookie). And tonight I went out and bought the water bowl (the type that looks like a water dispenser), and a bag of dog food. I'm still going to change her over the a RAW diet, but figured that with the move and so many new/strange things around her, I'd at least keep her food the same. That is, until I find a town house and we move in.

Still looking for a town house. Saw a couple that are certainly in the running, but more are coming up for sale every day, so I'll keep a look out.

I already know I'm going to end up being one of those annoying pet guardians that always talk about something cute the pup did today. And the snap shots...thank goodness for digital cameras. I can't wait to do a Christmas card with the 2 of us on it.

I was telling a friend the other day, that one of the things I am most looking forward to, is hearing Sierra breathing at night as she sleeps by my bed. To feel safe, to actually sleep properly for the first time in a very long time. Abuse survivors rarely sleep well, we're always listening...to be safe. So it will be a joy to go to sleep feeling safe. Of course, I'll probably worry about Sierra all the time...is she sleeping ok?, why did she get up?, is she having a bad dream? and not get any sleep anyways.

I've been picturing the house warming too. Sierra and I greeting people at the front door. That will be fantastic!!

I think my parents are as excited as I am about the adoption. I know my niece and nephew are. My Mom has been comparison shopping for beds, treats, etc. it's nice when the whole family accepts a new soul into it.

Let's see, if I go to bed now, T -15 will come sooner.

The Countdown Starts

The Sierra Chronicles.

I went out today looking at town houses for poochie and I and may have found one. It has 3 bedrooms and a small fenced yard, nice little kitchen, and one of the best bits...it backs onto a green belt. Forest everywhere, trails of all kinds. Just right for an adventurous pooch and her guardian. Now my parents tell me they've heard of a couple places near them going up for private sale. I'll find out sometime next week, I hope one of them is in my price range. So I'll wait a bit on making my decision.

In the meantime, May 10th is the official day I adopt Sierra. This is proving to be the longest month in my personal history. Waiting isn't always hard, but for this puppy it is. So to help me feel better, I bought her her walking harness this past week, it's called a Sensi-ble harness. It goes around her chest and front legs, and snaps on at her underbelly. It's the same as the shelter uses for her. Today I bought her a 42" circular sleeping pillow at Costco for only $20.99. I'm amazed that they could have something that size at such a low price, considering that if you went to a pet store for one like it, you'd be paying almost $60.00 if not more.

Today on the trail we were sitting on a bench having a rest when these 2 women (Mom & daughter?) walked by with a 1 1/2 yr old dog. Can't remember what mix, but border collie and something seems to stick. Anyways, the dog decided to come see Sierra for a visit, they started playing while I spoke with the Mom & daughter. It was really cute watching the two play; Sierra outweighs and out-sizes the other dog, but played only as rough as the other one. While all this was going on a guy with what looked like a shepherd, collie, wolf cross walks by. His dog isn't on a leash. It runs up and starts to go after the younger dog, Sierra jumps off the bench, stood in front of the younger one and was ready to attack. I've never seen her like that. She is so protective. The Mom & daughter commented on how amazed they were that Sierra just jumped up to protect their dog. Of course all the OOHH's and AAH's started. The other dog walked away with it's guardian, the guy never even appologised. Didn't put it on a leash either.

Wonder if they will be on the trail tomorrow.

In the meantime, Wish Us Luck!

Dogs: Our Heros, Our Lifesavers

I guess another name for this blog could be 'Ode to a Dog'.

Another blogger, All Things Repeat, was kind enough to comment on yesterday's blog about how dogs can be true motivators and lifesavers for us.
A.T.R., I'm so happy you have your miniature american eskimo to help you through the hard times. Your comments made me think of others I know who's love of a dog, not only helped to give them direction and focus to their lives, but in some cases helped them to keep going day after day.

One of these people is a collegue and good friend. She was at a very difficult point in her life and, I can't remember how, but she found this lovely little teddy-bear pommeranian. That dog is so much a part of who my friend is. My friend had dreamt or been told of an angel coming into her life, I'm not sure if she was skeptical or not, but after she found and adopted Chloe (the pom.), she found out the dogs' name had previously been Angel. This cute, cuddly little dog, is kind of stand-offish at first. It took almost a year of working in the same office for her to trust me enough to cuddle in my arms and fall asleep. I don't blame her, she was there for my friend (her Mom), I was just an aunt. My friend had another dog, Sully, her and her husband adopted. Sully was some kind of poodle mix with a wonderfully gentle nature. He used to come with them to work too. Sully and I got on so well, that my friend asked that if anything happened to her and her husband, sould I take care of Sully. Naturally, I was happy to agree. Thus I became Sully's God Mother...and he my Dog-son.

Oops, I'm getting off track. The point of all this is that Chloe helped my friend through her hard times, and even continues to monitor my friends' health by sniffing her breath.

Another friend of mine has a few dogs. One in particular helped her to keep going. This friend was (at one point in her adult life), suicidal. The care of the dog, the unconditional love this dog gave, the non-judgemental attitude of the dog, kept her going, even when the love of her family failed. Now, that's a strong influence, whether we realize it or not. I mean, if your family fails where a dog succeeds...
Maybe it's just that judgemental thing. Dogs don't comment on the conversation you are having with it, they never tell you what they think is best for you, they never degrade or abuse you. All they do is listen, and like A.T.R. said, lick your tears away, with love that comes from somewhere so deep within and without, it's impossible for me to fathom.

I know I may offend a few people by saying this, but I truely believe it's no coincidence that dog spelt backwards is God. I don't mean that dogs are the personification of God, just that God in the infinite wisdom it is, said "humans, as a species, need something that will teach them love, pure love. They need something they can see and interact with everyday, something that also protects them. I think I will create an animal with all these qualities, to remind humans there is a God".

Oh, the picture at the top is one I took when Sierra and I were out for a walk in a canyon. I wanted to get a picture of how high up we were. We were a few feet from the edge, there were no clouds nor mist when I took the picture, and yet when I opened the picture on my computer, there was this funky cloud. Hmmmm....makes you wonder.

On Dogs and Homes

In preparation for the wonderful day that I adopt my beautiful shelter pup, I've been reading all kinds of books and magazines about dogs and dog health. Now, keep in mind, that I grew up with having a dog. I think I can name every pet we ever had, and what happened to them: Cinders (cat), ran away when I was just over 1 year old. Spook (daschund), hit by a car when I was about 3. Cricket (mutt), we gave away in favour of keeping one of her pups. Tiger (Cricket's pup) died of old age at about 15. Topper was next (lab/shep cross), died of old age at 12. But even with all that practical experience, I think I should be up-to-date on all things doggy.

So yesterday I went out and bought this months' 'BARK' and 'Animal Wellness' magazines. So far I've enjoyed the read, and the stories from other dog lovers are great. Alot has changed in the way people treat their dogs and facilities and programs for pets now abound. Heck, even some hotels are dog friendly now!!!! Wow!!

One of the stories I read in 'BARK' magazine, made me think of the homeless guy that was visiting Sierra last week. The story in the magazine is about a womand named Lori Weise, who co-founded North Hollywoods' Downtown Dog Rescue. She has gone into some of the scariest and most dangerous neighbourhoods to help not only homeless dogs, but people. I guess in N.Hollywood, many low-cost housing places tell people that they have to make a choice...a roof over your head, or your dog! Alot choose to remain with their dog..perhaps the only thing that has every truely loved them. So Ms. Weise has helped take some of these dogs in for vetrinary service, licensing (if you don't have an address, you can't get a dog license), etc. She is doing amazing work GOOD ON YOU MS. WEISE.

This leads me back to the homeless guy. Now, I don't live in N. Hollywood, not even in the USA. I live in Canada in one of the most beautiful, progressive provinces our country has to offer. Why don't we have places like Downtown Dog Rescue? Or do we, and nobody really knows about it? I know we have our SPCA's, Pounds, and Shelters, and a few non-profit organizations, but do we have anyone that specifically deals with dogs of the homeless? Whether or not the guy who was visiting Sierra was part of her first family, I wonder if things would be different for him if he could have a dog, even a small one.

Look what having one has done for me; gotten me off my butt to finally buy a town house, something I should've done years ago, but was always discouraged from (that's another story). It's made me read up on dog nutrition, dog friendly places, even which parks allow dogs off leash. Having Sierra in my life has also made me calmer, my headaches ease up when I'm with her, she is a true joy in my life. So think what having all of that might mean for this homeless guy. Maybe a pup in his life would give him the motivation he needs to find a job and get a home, after all, the pup needs to eat. Maybe a pup is just what this guy needs; a little pure love to help get him back on track.

Sierra is mine, I hope this guy finds his.

How Odd!!

So I went to see my beloved pup at the shelter today. I only had half an hour for lunch, so decided to go and play with her for a bit. We had a great time, as I was leaving, I see this guy walk through the gate of the shelter and directly to Sierra. I think; HOW ODD!. Usually people come to the reception area first. I was in the reception area and I could hear her barking...not a happy bark, but a bit of a distress one. So I walk back out and see this guy at her dog run. Naturally, being her den mom, I walk over to see what this guy is doing. She doesn't pay any attention to him, she sees me and is jumping and running around (at the fence). Then this guy askes if she can go for a walk. I tell him to talk to the people at reception. Then tell him that I'm going to be adopting her soon.

He talks to me for a minute about how he can't have a dog right now, and coming down to see the dogs is the only joy he gets now. Anyways, I say goodbye to my pup again, and this guy and I walk away. I go back into reception and he leaves. Turns out this guy was pushing a shopping buggy...homeless.

Makes me wonder if he was Sierra's guardian before she was found as a stray. He didn't say anything about that, but I got to wondering later when I remembered her barking, etc.

I'm so happy I'll be able to adopt her. I've already gotten her food bowl, and a tug-of-war rope, plus a couple other little things.

I've been reading up on the RAW diet, also asking around. Looks like for her size I'll have to feed her around 8 cups of food a day. 4 in the morn and 4 in the evening (although if I feed her kibble, it's only a third of the amount...lots of fillers). She's older and not quite so active (not that she doesn't want to be). This is going to be a great learning experience...for both of us.

Wish Me Luck

The Sierra Chronicles

Wow!! what a day. I went to look at some town houses, now that I'm in the market. What some people are selling.....amazing. I looked at one place today that is listed at $312,000.00. A 3 bedroom town house. The place was filthy, the basement unfinished, the people who currently own it drilled holes through the walls on the 2nd foor so they could put TV and compter wires through to another room. The rooms weren't even beside each other...so you have these wires that run over the doors and across walls, with huge drill holes completely through the headers of the door ways.

Needless to say, I'm NOT buying that one.

All of this comes about because I am going to adopt Sierra. And we both need a place to live. I was telling my brother about her today and how she is with me, he said; "she chose you". And you know, he was right. It took her about a day to decide. Our first walk together was nice, she was companionable. Day two, she was just so great. I sat on a park bench and she comes up and puts her head against my stomach so I could scratch her. Totally unbidden, she just does these things. She loves to cuddle too.

Today I went out and bought her a ceramic food bowl, vinyl placemat (it has paws and bones around the edge), a tug-of-war toy and a portable water bowl. It's waterproof and folds up so you can carry it in your pocket when you go hiking. I'm going to try it tomorrow, see how it does. It's really exciting, having her in my life. She is my motivation to finally get off my butt and buy a place of my own. That in itself is exciting.

I plan to put her on the bones and raw food diet, so I've been reading the book by Dr. Ian Billinghurst, who developed it. Makes sense to me. This will be an interesting endevour.

Wish me luck!

Living with Paroxsymal Hemicrania

When I was diagnosed with Paroxsymal Hemicrania, I thought, great, at least the medication works, and I can see properly and hey, the headaches have subsided. But living with it...that's something else. What's it like? Well, say, you're walking along having a great day, feeling good, when suddenly, BAM, you feel like someone just hit the side of your face with a bat. Sometimes it feels like someone is crushing my head between their hands. It hits fast, sudden, and hard. Sometimes I can feel it come on, but not often...I just suddenly have trouble talking. Not because it affects my throat, just that the pain is so piercing, I need to concentrate on calming it down.

From what I understand, there is no known cause and no known cure for Paroxsymal Hemicrania, just that it could suddenly go away altogether, or go into remission for up to 18 months. Oh Joy!!

I've discovered something about the medication I'm on. If I've had to take it early in the day, I can't even have a glass of beer 12 hours later. Not only does it make me dizzy, but it eats my stomach. I've also discovered that work makes the headaches worse, could be the stress. But walking the dog makes it a bit better. Sunlight and red neon hurt the most, even red exit signs can hurt. I hope I don't have to deal with this for the rest of my life.

What puts me off most, is that because it's rare, no doctors really think of it, so they give you all this medication for other stuff, as they 'practice' medicine.

What Customer Service???

I walked into McDonalds this evening to get a bite to eat. I walk up and ask for a McRib meal with a diet Coke to go. Just like that. The young girl behind the counter says: The McRib??...What do you want to drink with that? I answer: A DIET COKE. She follows with: Do you want that to eat in? AARRGG!!!! Now I KNOW I distinctly told her my order when I walked in...How difficult is this???? Where the hell is the customer service?

When I was a kid and working at a fast food place, we were expected to remember the order. It's not just at McDonalds, it happens at alot of places. Why aren't they teaching kids properly?

There's also this problem these days of the clerk NOT making eye contact to let you know they know you're there and will be right with you. A while ago, I walk into a Chevron station, the clerk is helping someone, there is NO ONE else there. I wait in line. The clerk doesn't look at me, doesn't acknowledge me. Another person comes in, doesn't line up properly, finally the clerk finishes with the person in front of me, then has the gaul to ask "who's next?". COME ON!!!! WHAT KIND OF AN IDIOT ARE YOU??

I wonder if proper customer service will ever come back? When people actually said Hi when you walked in, knew who was in their store, could actually count the change back without the use of the computer.

Oh, that reminds me...What the hell are schools teaching these days. If a kid can't count up or down the change without a computer, I'd say their education is sadly lacking. Case in point, at another fast food place, I purchased a meal, and the computer suddenly quit, the young clerk paniced because she didn't know how much change to give me. HMMM!!! It's on the receipt, at least how much money I gave her and how much money the bill was, so FIGURE IT OUT!!!!!! It's just pathetic.

OK, I'm not great at math, but I can add and subtract!

The Waiting Starts

Well, I've been looking for a place for myself & my beloved shelter pup. I've had a few possibilities, and I'm making an appointment to see one place that allows dogs.

I wonder when Canada will get with the rest of the world and allow dogs in all apartments & condos. I mean, if you pay $300,000.00 or $500,000.00 for an apartment or condo, who has the right to tell you can't have a domestic pet of your choice. You pay a HALF a MILLION dollars, and someone says; "Oh, no pets...or cats only" . What B.S.


I went to see 'my girl' today. What a sweetie. I was talking with the Animal Welfare Officer about Sierra and apparently they had even put an ad in the newspaper for her. No one has taken her yet. And she is the sweetest dog, intelligent, well behaved, loving. And she's pretty darn cute too. Oh well, other peoples' loss is my gain. I picked up the adoption application today.

I know one of these possibilities will pan out, I hope it's the condo. Then at least I will own it...ok, me and the bank for a number of years, but still.

Wish Me Luck

Dogs are the Best!

Today I didn't get a chance to see my beloved pup. Man was that hard. To go the full day...and not go out for our walk. Tomorrow I'll call a couple of places to see about the availability of some rental or rent-to-own places. Somewhere there's a place Sierra and I can move into.

It's amazing how much of an effect an animal can have a person. They certainly grab onto your heart.

I wish more companies would allow dogs at work, they do so much. They are so calming. Of course the onus is on the owner (I know, bad choice of words) to clean up after the pup, and keep it from harming anyone. But if the dog is socialized, there usually isn't any problem. Oh, yeah and pups are more than willing to keep your feet warm...no matter how bad they stink.

I really wonder why apartments tend to allow cats but not dogs. As far as I'm concerned, cats are more destructive than dogs. When a cat is let out at night (or during the day), who picks up after them? They are never on a leash or under control from ruining a persons lawn, or hunting the birds at the bird feeder you have at your home. Oh, and not many burglers are afraid of the house cat. Have a dog in your home or yard, and burglers will think twice. A dog is almost always on a leash, someone always picks up after it, the dog is almost always supervised, and won't shred the drapes or scratch the crap out of the furniture. I think it's high time dogs were given as much rights to apartments as cats. And to people who own cats....pick up after them.

Oh Happy Day!!

This morning I called the shelter to see if Sierra was still there and if she could go out for a walk. I was worried because yesterday a family had looked at her. But my pup was there, eagerly awaiting me.

I was really sad last night, and I knew I had to do something to find a new place to live, so I could adopt her first. I phoned a collegue because he told me at one time that the complex he lives in allows pets, but also, I may be able to get into a rent-to-own situation, or, he knew someone else who wants a tenant for a basement suite. The suite has it's own entry and access to the yard. So I prayed and prayed last night for Sierra to still be at the shelter (I had tears in my eyes when I called and she was there). I admit it, I love that pooch. And yes, I'd move to accommodate adopting her!

When I went to get her, I told the shelter people about it, so hopefully they won't show her to anyone else. Unfortunately, I can't make any calls until Tuesday (Mon. being a holiday for alot of people), and believe me, it can't come soon enough.

Next, I need to get the puppy goodies...sleeping mat, chew toys, etc. I plan to put her on the bones and raw food diet, so I need the book Give Your Dog a Bone. Also, I think I'll need to start buying the magazine Fido Friendly. It's all about places you can travel where dogs are welcome.

I'm so excited. I feel like nothing can stop me now.

Sierra's been a good incentive for me to move. I've hated where I live for a really long time now. Every year I say "I gotta move out, I've gotta find somewhere better", and I've been here RENTING, for 21 years!!!! So now I have more reasons for moving than just for me.

I hope I can get into a rent-to-own, I know these are hard to find, but it would be perfect and at least I would own it...eventually.

Wish Me Luck

Oh, the Heartbreak!!

I went and took my beloved shelter pup out for a really long walk today. About 3 hours. We went off of our normal route of the forest trail in favour of walking the length of a road that would eventually (1.5 hours on), lead us back to the canyon trail.

We had a great time. We stop at designated places and just sit, the two of us. That's sort of our cool-down period, plus, neither of us wants to take her back to the shelter.

Today, we get back and there is a family looking for a dog. I keep Sierra to the side, because, well, I want to adopt her. Unfortunately this family sees her and comes over...UUUGGHH! My den-momma heart felt like breaking. I kept thinking: you don't want her, she's too big, she's middle aged, you want a younger dog. I HOPE & PRAY that I will be able to adopt her.

I guess that may sound mean (me wanting her), but she's been there 2 months (and I'm one of the few people who walk her, and apparently her favourite), not many people have looked at her. Her first family didn't come to find her, and here I am, going to see her almost everyday, and someone may try to take that away from both of us??? When I said goodbye to her, she kept trying to get to me, even with everyone else around her petting her.

I love that pup and really do want to adopt her. I just need a couple of months to get some things squared away. At least with Sierra in my life, I now have incentive.

TO THE FAMILY THAT LOOKED AT SIERRA: PLEASE LOOK AT TAKING A YOUNGER DOG, OR JUST ANOTHER DOG.

On the Trail Again

I had another doggie date today. We went out for just over 2.5 hours, on the same trail as always, only we managed to get higher up in the canyon than the other days.

This is the usual view I get of her, I've been trying to get a half decent photo of her, but she doesn't seem to care much about stardom.


Ahh!! That's better. At least a bit...I feel like a paparrazi.

Thank goodness she doesn't seem to mind, as long as we continue our walks.

My parents phoned today and made a valid point..They think Sierra & I are getting too attached and I'll get hurt if she gets adopted by someone else. They are right, I am attached to her...no regrets about that. I hate to leave her at the shelter & by her actions, she'd rather be with me. So I guess I just have to find a way to adopt her. That means paying off bills, and getting together a down payment for at least a townhouse. I HAVE to do this. As far as I'm concerned, she's part of my pack, MY PUP.

Sierra Trails and Angels

Another day, another walk in the forest. My beloved shelter pup and I were off once again to conquer the wilderness.












The path starts off at creek level





The trail runs for about half an hour on level ground, then begins to climb into a canyon



Higher and higher it climbs,




eventually reaching 150 feet above the creek



Yes, that's the creek very tiny at the bottom. Sierra & I were were a few feet from the edge so I could take the picture. She was sniffing around, not really paying attention to where she was going. I got worried she would get too close to the edge and fall, it's a sheer drop of around 100 feet to the bottom. So I put my camera away and tried to pull her bak to the trail. I KNOW there were no clouds or mist when I took that picture, I think I would've noticed . Looks like someone else was worried about us too.

I absolutely believe in angels and guardians. Thank heavens we are never truly alone.

Thank you!

They're all Cowards!

Today as I was out walking the pup, I met up with another volunteer walker. We stopped to chat about the dogs, and volunteering, somehow we ended up talking about the history of dog she was walking. He is a beautiful shepherd xcross, who is lively and affectionate. And unfortunately seems to have been the victim of abuse. When he walks, one of his hind legs doesn't move quite right (could it be that he was kicked there???), also, if you raise your hand quickly, he cowers. On one of his hind legs, he has nipped all the hair away.

Now I want to ask...WHAT KIND OF COWARD BEATS UP AN ANIMAL??? WHAT KIND OF BASTARD STARVES AN ANIMAL??

How can anyone who claims to be human, ever stoop to hurting an animal that asks nothing more from you than food, a place to live and your love. An animal who will fight to the death to save your life, an animal who is willing to work...on a farm, visiting the elderly in hospitals, leading the blind, whatever, a friend who will NEVER judge you.

Here's another one. In the newspapers today, there is a story of horses on a farm near Rockey Mountain House, Alberta being found starved to death. More than a dozen I believe it said. A NOTE TO THE OWNER...HEY ASSHOLE, IF YOU COULDN'T AFFORD TO KEEP THE HORSES, SELL THEM!!!!

I wonder what kind of punishment the farmer with the horses will receive. A slap on the wrist? a fine and being banned from ever owning an animal again? That sentence would be TOO LIGHT! Willfull manslaughter! Murder! Anything but a slap on the wrist. Even better..starve him, take him close to death, feed him only enough to save his life and do it again and again. Break him. He deserves it for what de did.

Now, I know, some people would say turn the other cheek. How many times do we need to turn it, since turning it hasn't stopped the problem. How many more times do we let the bullies get away with it, when DO WE STAND UP AND FIGHT?

I personally would like to introduce both the farmer in Rocky Mountain House, and the person who hurt the dog to Miss Right Fist, Miss Left Fist and this 2x4.

Puppy Love - Sierra

I went out again today with my main pooch. Thought I'd show you where she lives when she's not out walking. I think I wrote before that she's from the local animal shelter. It's actually a nice facility (as shelters go), and the people there are awesome. They have a dog run in the back where the dogs can socialize and run around. But it's still nice to take her out.




We only hand 1 1/2 hours today and she really didn't want to go back, guess we've bonded alot in the past few weeks.

I love the trails near where I live, I know in a lot of big cities, these just don't exist

.



This is where we went today. Alot of times I let her choose the way, of course she usually chooses the path with the most squirrels. Gotta chase, you know?
I wonder what goes through her head, I mean, what kind of a meal could a squirrel possibly make? Or is it just the chasing part??

I remember when I was younger I thought big dogs were only used as guard dogs, and always vicious. I'm glad I learned through experience that big dogs like Sierra got a bad rap somewhere along the way. I mean, Sierra just loves to hug, and to be touched. I spoke with someone on the trail the other day who commented on how beautiful Sierra is. One of the first things she said is, ''she's beautiful, but look at how powerful her chest is, I bet she could do a lot of damage''. My reply was ''yes, I suppose she could do alot of damage IF SHE REALLY WANTED TO, but she's very gentle''. I guess big dogs just naturally scare people. Ok, she is around 100 lbs, and a dog that size coming at you in anger or happiness can be daunting, but still. Give the dog a chance.

I would love to adopt her. I know I've said it before, but I'm using the power of positive thinking to help me make it happen.

50th Anniversay - A Love Letter

This year marks my parents 50th Anniversary. 50 years together. Wow! Not many couples make it to that these days, so to say I am proud of them is a considerable understatment. July 12th, 1958 they were married. So many things in the world have changed since then, so much history. The Vietnam War, JFK's assasination, the first moon landing, the cold war ending, the Wall falling, CD's, DVD's, The space shuttle, and so much more. When I think of what they have seen in their lifetime...I wonder if I will be able to say the same thing.

I love my Mom's story about meeting my Dad. First of all, they grew up in the same small town in north eastern Alberta. A farming community full of slavic immigrants, where your nearest neighbour was about a mile away (ok, the length of your farm), there was only one main street, with a hotel, a few stores, and a gas station. They both spent their childhood in that town, BUT NEVER MET!!!!

So fast forward a number of years. My Mom is 16 and moves to the city to work. Dad's family had already moved to the city, but when Dad was 18 he went to Ottawa to work. After awhile, he moved back home. One day he took a bus, my Mom was already on the bus, and upon seeing him, decided that he was the man she was going to marry. She thought he was pretty darn cute. They didn't speak at all. And I suppose Mom wondered if she would ever see him again.

Awhile later, a local radio station was holding a dance (they did that back in those days), and both my parents attended with a friend. At some point in the evening, Mom noticed Dad there, unfortunately, another young man asked her to dance. I think she danced with him. But she was waiting for Dad to ask her. He finally got up the courage and they danced. Well, she was said she felt like jelly, I guess you could call it a swoon. At the end of the evening, the other young man asked if he could drive her home, she made all kinds of excuses, saying she lived really far away, she was with a friend, etc. trying to discourage this fellow. She wanted Dad to drive her home. So, the other guy walks away. Finally, Dad comes up and asks to take her home, she is so happy, but she does mention her friend. That's ok he says, I'm here with a friend, and he has a car, we'd be happy to dive you ladies home. As she gets in the car, she sees the driver is the first young man she turned down. OUCH!

I love that back then, a fellow could offer you a ride home, and most of the time you wouldn't have to worry. There was a different attitude towards things, an accountability that alot of people today just don't have. I realize that it may sound like I'm really generalizing, but there WERE more manners back then then there are today.

Everytime I think of my parents' story, I think.....Wow, talk about the power of positive thinking! ''Mom, you're amazing''. No, really, I am always warmed by their story and believe they were truly fated to be together..and 50 years on, they still are.

Dog Day Sunday

Introducing, Sierra!



What a great day. I started volunteering for my local animal shelter a few weeks ago, as a dog walker. I've walked the same beautiful dog about 15 times now. I can't understand why she is still up for adoption, maybe it's because she's so big.

At any rate, I took her for a walk today for 1 1/2 hours in the forest. We have tons of forest paths here that are all off-leash areas. In the summer I guess we might have to watch for bears and cougars, but right now there are only coyotes around.

If you don't believe me, this is the area we walk in:




There is a creek, which is more like a river that the trails run on both sides of.
You'd never know it, but there are houses within a 10 minute walk all the way along the trails.

Sierra loves the water, she doesn't seem to care how deep or fast it runs. She almost pulled me in last week. It was pretty funny seeing me standing on a rock, trying not to follow her into the drink. Of course she can't figure out what my problem is.

I discovered something new about her today...she loves to chase squirrels. She pulled me a good 3 feet before I was able to grab her collar and get her under control. Again, she couldn't figure out what the problem was. Of course, now I'm nursing a really sore shoulder.

We have such a great time together, I wish I could adopt her, but the building I'm in doesn't allow pets. Guess I just have to save my money & get rich, or moderately well-off. That way I can move out of this apt. and into a house, and adopt her.

Her presence in my life has meant so much for me. Just being with her is so calming, and she definately has the ability to make me laugh. I hope I've done her some good too.

If I could ask anyone to do just one thing...it'd be, GO WALK A DOG. Yours, or from a shelter, but go walk one.

Some Doctors are Quacks Part 2

I last left off with having trouble walking down the street by myself because of the pain in both my head & eye.

It had now been 5 months since the strange headaches and vision problem started. I was still no closer to finding a diagnosis. I go see my family doctor for my regular physical and tell her all about the past 5 months. When I tell her of the suspected MS, she says ''But you don't have any other symptoms, do you?'' Well, No, not really. She makes note of everything and shakes her head. The headaches and vision aren't improving, sometimes they are hitting new heights, so I try to see the neurologist...ok, he's told me I should make an appointment to see him. After his office gives me the run-around of a few days, his receptionist finally tells me he will meet me at the hospital the next week. And she sets a time. So I wait, and go to the hospital for the appointment. I check in and wait...and wait...an hour later, I go back up to the reception and ask how much longer he's going to be, I had an appointment. That's when the nurse on duty tells me ''oh, you're not seeing him, you're just seeing one of the regular ER doctors''.

What the F... was the point of me making an appoinment with this guy????He never intended to show up in the first place. HE makes the appointment, HE sets the time, then HE DOESN'T show up???? I was so upset. I mean, you tell a person you think they have MS, you give them a speech about what the future will hold, and you tell them that if they have any questions night or day, to give a call. AND THEN YOU RENEG ON ALL OF IT!!!!

Needless to say, I went back to my family doctor (a doctor who has never steered me wrong, by the way), told her what happened and asked for a referal to a different neurologist. I think she was as angry as I was at how I was treated. A month later I go see this new neurologist. She does all these tests that the other one should have done much sooner, the results were NOT MS. Huge relief!!! She believed I had migraines, and put me on Verapamil, it was supposed to help lower my blood pressure in order to allieviate the headaches. I already have really low blood pressure, and I told her about it...she thought the benifits would outweigh the risks. OK, so I take the drug. Suddenly I can barely make it up a flight of stairs, my chest hurts even if I so much as walk to the end of the hall and back. I throw the pills away. The eyesight is still bad, the headaches are there.

Now we are at the 13 month mark of not really knowing what is wrong with me. I make my yearly appointment with the optomotrist, tell her all that has happened since the last time I saw her. She said, there is still one more doctor who's testing would be definative on the eye question...an optho-neurologist. I'd never heard of that before. A neurologist who solely deals with the eye. A month later, I go see this optho-neurologist. She tests me for a number of things, looks at the MRI, and after all the tests come back, it truely shows there is nothing wrong with my eye. More over, I never had optic neuritis, nor MS.

Finally, after 15 months of being mis-diagnosed, she comes up with the answer. Paroxsymal Hemicrania. It's a very rare form of headache, found mostly in women over 40. It's an inflammatory headache that can affect sight, hearing, sinuses, and nerves. It can hit 5 - 40 times a day for any length of time, from a few seconds to hours, and removing yourself from light or noise doesn't help the pain. She put me on Indomethacin, and 20 minutes after I took the first capsule, my headache eased up and my eyesight returned. 20 MINUTES!!!!! After 15 months, all it took was this very specific medicine.

When I think back to all that happened, and all the crap that I was perscribed I realize that when a doctor receives their license to practice medicine, it truely means PRACTICE, and practice, and practice. Not necessarily DO any.

In the 1 year and 3 months of all this the sum of diagnosis': Iritis, Optic Neuritis, MS, Migraines, and finally Paroxsymal Hemicrania.

The drugs/perscriptions: regular over-the-counter medicines, Steroids, hyro-morphine, Gabapentin, Lyrica, Verapamil, and finally Indomethacine.

No wonder my hair was falling out!!

My New Banner - Some Doctors are Quacks Part 1

I decided to add something very personal to my blog header. Yep. That's my MRI. I had it done a couple of years ago, well, I HAD to have it done a couple of years ago.

I work in a job that is 60 hours/week for 10 months/year. Having just finished one project, I had gone directly onto something very small, only a week of work. So I do that, then crash. Completely. I slept for 20 hours a day for 3 days straight. Sleeping all night, waking up to have breakfast, back to bed til lunch, woke up & had lunch, then went back to bed until supper. Woke up long enough to eat, then maybe a half hour longer, then sleep through the night. 3 days of this. I put it down to exhaustion. When I woke up on the 4th day, I suddenly could barely see out of my right eye, and I had developed these horrendous headaches. Part of my face would freeze, my pupil would contract to the extreme when I was around ANY light (just the right side mind you, the left would react normally), my teeth hurt, my sinuses hurt, and my skin around my eye was super sensitive.

After waiting what felt like forever to see an optomotrist, I was told that my eye was healthy, but they made an appointment with an othomologist just in case. In the meantime, I went to the dentist, thinking the toothache had something to do with a cracked tooth or something. I even had a root canel. None of this worked, my headaches, etc. were so bad that every 2nd day I ended up in the emergency room at the local hospital trying to get something for the pain.

A month later I finally got in to see the opthomologist. He tells me there is nothing wrong with my eye, and it's just optic neuritis, and it would go away in 6-8 weeks. It had already been over that and it was still going strong. So I wait the 6-8 weeks to come back for my follow-up, during this time, I continue my visits to the emergency room. I can barely work because of the pain.

Finally, another 6 weeks pass and I go back to the opthomologist. He tells me I'll be ok, there's nothing wrong, the eye will clear on it's own. Blah, Blah, Blah. I convince him I want to see a neurologist. He hums and haws, saying the neurologist probably wouldn't see me over something like this. He kept trying to convince me not to see a neurologist. By this time I'm livid and practically demand to see someone. So he calls the hospital, and very appologetically tells them he has a woman who really thinks she needs to see someone because of this 'little' problem. (I'm in the room for the phone call so I hear everything this whiney little idiot says).

At any rate, the neurologist says he'll see me right now, can I come to the hospital? I can't get out of the room fast enough, and head the few blocks to the hospital. After the neurologist checks me over and orders some tests, he tells me he thinks I have MS, and will order an MRI for me. He immediately puts me 3 days of intravenous steroids, and gives me a perscription for Gabapentin. The steroids don't help, oddly enough, neither does the Gabapentin. After a few weeks of the drug not working, I call the doctor's office to ask for something else for the pain. It takes another 5 days for them to get back to me and the Dr. issues me a perscription for.....GABAPENTIN. It's like he didn't even look at my file to find out I was already on it, and just arbitrarily issues another perscription. Finally, he gives me a perscription for Lyrica. A drug designed to control nerve pain.

By this time, my hair is falling out by handfuls, my nerves are shot and I can barely work. This Dr. was supposed to order an MRI for me (which would've been free), of course he forgot. So the only way I could get one before another 5 months had passed was to pay for it myself. Over $800.00. Thank God my parents helped me to pay for it. This doctor also forgot to fill in a form (that I sent him) to show my union that I was physically unable to work. I couldn't even ask them for financial help through our medical services provider.

I'm so stressed by this point; I can't see out of one eyes and I have trouble walking on my own because of the constant headaches.

I'm going to stop writing now, because this still upsets me, I'll continue this tomorrow.

Year of Wonders A Novel Of the Plague

The 2nd book in my series of personal book reviews is a book called Year Of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks.

The story begins in a small English Village in 1666 after the plague had all but ravaged this tiny village of just over 300. Anna, a housemaid at the village parish, is trying to entice her pastor to 'eat, just a little, to gain strength', to admit visitors, to see people, anything to get him out of his depression and help him to regain his faith. Then the story backtracks to the spring of 1665, when the plague spore was first brought to the village in a shipment of cloth from London, destined for the local tailor. At first no one realizes, or wants to admit, that the sickness is the dreaded plague. First the headaches and fever, red blotches similiar to rings, then the tell-tale pus sacs in the gland areas. Finally, sneezing & death. Of course the end is ineveitable. What is amazing, is that the village decides -almost to a person- that they would voluntarily quarentine themselves to prevent the spread of the disease. Thus giving themselves a death sentence.

The book is well written and, for myself, amazingly vivid. The description of the village itself had my mind creating the like, imagining who these people were, how they lived (which I eventually looked up), and the manner in which they died.

Although books about catastophies like the plague can often be considered depressing, I could not say I found Year of Wonders to be so. The book showed the best & worst of human nature during difficult times, with the best-of winning hands down.

I was so intrigued by this book that I searched out (on the internet), the incident Year of Wonders, was based on. It happened in the English village of Eyam, a small mining community of about 350 people, located in Derbyshire. The plague spore was indeed brought to the village in a shipment of cloth from London, destined for the local tailor. A short time later, as people began to get sick, healthy villagers were thinking of leaving, hoping for the safety of neighbouring villages or the nearby city of Sheffield. The church leader, William Mompesson, convinced the villagers that to flee would quite possibly bring infection to those places, who up until this time, had been plague free. The villagers agreed to quarintine themselves and a local Earl agreed to provide food and supplies as long as no one left the village.

Of the 350 people who inhabited the village in 1665, 280 had died by the end of 1666.

Again, I am amazed at the heroism of the people of Eyam. To give so much of yourselves to protect your neighbours... I know it may sound wishy-washy, but the night I finished Year of Wonders, I prayed for the victims & said thank you.

Two things to check out: Year of Wonders A Novel of the Plague, by Geraldine Brooks,
and anything about the village of Eyam. The village has a plague museum, the house the plague first occured in is still standing, as is the Parish of St. Lawerence.

Stasiland

I've been reading the book Stasiland - True Stories from Behind the Iron Curtain by Anna Funder. I became interested in the subject of the Stasi after seeing the German movie The Lives of Others. 'Stasi' stands for: Ministerium für Staatssicherheit (Ministry for State Security) the official secret police of the Former East Germany. The movie is the story of a Stasi officer who undertakes surviellience of a playwrite for the GDR government in the mid 1980's. I'll write about the movie at another time, for now, the book. Stasiland.

Ms. Funder is an Australian living and working in the former West Berlin. While working at a local oversea's TV station, she becomes interested in life during the GDR era, and places an ad in one of the local papers asking for people who would be willing to come forward and tell their stories. Stories that would be more than difficult to relate and relive. Many people answered her ad. Ordinary people, courageous people, terrified people, even a few ex-Stasi men. All wanted to tell their stories, all wanted to be understood. Without getting too far into the story (you have to read the book yourself), I must say I was amazed at the length that the Stasi would go to 'encourage' someone to become an informer, or to 'co-operate' with them. One of the people Ms. Funder writes about refused to help, and her life was ruined in so many ways.

The Stasi found many reasons to punish: for having a western book, for wanting to go to the West, for making jokes about either the party or those in power, amoung other things. And the punishment was....I don't even have a word to describe it. Horrible? yes, Outrageous? yes, Demeaning? yes. All of these and more. A trip to the Hohenschonhausen prison for an 'interview', could mean you would never be seen again, or, you may get to go home...eventually.

With the passing of years the memories don't always get easier. Yet the survivors seemed to hold no grudge, it's just the way it was.

I remember when the Wall came down in 1989. I was watching the news with my West German roommate and her Mother who had come to Canada for a visit. We watched in awe as ordinary people from both sides amassed and eventually overran and tore down the legendary Wall. People lifting others to the top, East & West shaking hands. Families finally getting to see each other, some for the first time ever. And the Stasi could do nothing. My roommates' Mom kept saying ''It's happening too fast, there's something wrong''. She was suspicious. I didn't understand why until I read Stasiland.

Ms. Funder is a wonderful writer who is able to get her subjects to open up and revel their very personal, very heartwrenching stories. I hope that the book, Stasiland, along with the movie, The Lives of Others, will help to pave the way for others to tell their stories, and for those reponsible to finally be held accountable.


I would recommend this book to anyone!

Of being impressionable

I've been reading a book that is a collection of stories from people who dealt with or were involved with the Stasi government in the former East Germany. Actually, it was a movie called 'The Lives of Others' that got me interested in the subject. Then I found the book 'Stasiland', by Anna Funder. I am amazed at what people in the GDR dealt with on a daily basis. I wonder what it would have been like to live in a society where you couldn't trust your neighbours or even your family. Or you could just 'go missing', and all record of you would cease to exist.

My own heritage is of Ukranian/Russian decent. Although I was never in East Germany, I have been to the former USSR, and from what I understand, some of their policies were the same.

I was on a 2 week study tour that was part of spring break tour offered at my high school. It was 1983, the first year (to my understanding), that they allowed in western students. What an eye-opener. I think it was in the former Leningrad, that we saw a long line of people, stretching around the block. Something that in North America could signify a new movie opening. We asked our state-supplied guide what the lineup was about. She told us that today was the day that everyone who's last name began with a certain letter could buy shoes. Our group of kids and teachers went to a Canada/Sweden hockey game, I went to see if I could get a snack...ice cream, one flavour-vanilla, 20 kopeks. I remember young people trying to talk to us, not long because as one said, ''KGB, I'll get caught''. But these kids wanted to know how different we were, I suppose to see if they had been lied to through the propoganda machine. I guess their position was pretty much the same as in the GDR. One thing though, I do recall everyone being very nice, even the guards in Red Square...of course there was no Russian Mafia at that time.

Being 17 and impressionable, I took in all I could from this country of my ancestors. And thanked God, they saw the need to leave. On my way home, as I was going through customs in Canada, the customs officer said ''Welcome Home'', I started to cry.

Sometimes I wonder what it would've been like for them (the soviets and GDR) if they had taken the best things about Democracy (ie freedom to think, express oneself without fear of imprisonment, freedom to decide), and the better things about Socialism (ie free medicare, being encouraged to study the subject you have the most apptitude for, free schooling) and put these two together and create a new society. I laugh at myself because I have no idea what they would try to call it.
I wonder if we could handle a society in which you were encourage to think and act freely (within the confines of law), and have free schools and medicare. What would the taxes be like???

Also, I wonder...if they had it all to do again, I mean the fall both of Socialism in Germany and Communism in Russia, would they do anything differently? Take more time perhaps, do it a bit slower?, stand up to it earlier? Or revert to the past?

Sunday thoughts

So here I am, at the computer with so many things flying through my head. News of the week: is it ok for a Dad to mercy kill his severely sick daughter?, is it ok for a 41 year old man to have sex with a 15 year old girl and not be held accountable?

I don't really have an opinion one way or the other about mercy killings, although if I was in the position of having no qualilty of life, I'd rather be put out of my misery, than be kept alive. If I can't move, eat, speak, or do anything on my own, for me it would be kind of like being in a prison, a life sentence without having committed a crime.

Now, about the 41 year old man having sex with a 15 year old girl. This one gets me so riled. If this girl were to commit a crime, she can't be mentioned because of the young offenders act, she would NOT be considered an adult, she is NOT allowed to buy alcohol or cigarettes because she is NOT considered an adult BY LAW. And yet, this 41 year old man can argue that the age of consent for sex is something like 14 or 15. Who made this law anyways???? a pedofile?? If it's ok for her to consent to sex at 15, and be held accountable for whatever happens, then maybe the young offenders act age should be lowered to...10 lets say. Try everyone over 11 as an adult. Don't try and tell me that a 15 year old boy is less responsible for his actions than a 15 year old girl. Oh yeah...and the age itself should give it away FIFTEEN, emphasis on the TEEN part. Teen does not mean Adult.

Oh and then, I think it was this week that an international child porn ring was busted. It had something like over 1,200 members world wide. Where does this sort of thing come from? I mean what goes through a persons head when they are raping a child???? I've been told it's all about power. There has to be something we as a society can do to stop this sort of thing from happening, I don't mean bigger task forces, I mean finding out where it comes from psycologically. I know alot of people say, oh well, he/she had a hard life. GET REAL alot of people have had a hard life and lived through more crap than some of these people and yet they turned out ok. Sorry, but I truely believe you have made a conscious decision when you do something like hurt a child...it's your decision, no one elses, you have the power to stop....maybe they are just too cowardly.

If you can guess from this post, that I was abused as a child, well, you're right. I laugh when people say that abuse is more prevelant today than it was when I was a child. My best friend growing up was also abused. It was just as prevelant, we just didn't talk about it, were encouraged not to talk about it. Oh, by the way I turned out alright. Sure I was angry and was ready to do myself harm, but I never once thought of harming anyone else. Guess that's why I have no sympathy for those who claim that they had a hard life, or society made them do it. I figure GROW UP, take responsibility for your actions. Or are they too scared??

I'd be interested to hear from others. Where do you think child abuse stems from? Is it ingrained like a predatory response,? all about power? Can we come up with some sort of early screening and should it be made mandatory? Is it simply a chemical imbalance?